User talk:A Reject Sunfish
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Colorbound page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:41, February 5, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:11, August 24, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story: Sorry for the late response, I'm visiting with family (who I haven't seen in a while) and we were having a wonderful time riffing on terrible movies and catching up so I haven't been able to keep as vigilant an eye on the site as I'd like to. Your story was deleted because it failed to meet our quality standards due to a number of wording, punctuation, and story issues. Wording: "I was a part of a privately funded and operated group of scientists which operated under the name" (Redundant.) Awkward wording: "He was the only one among us who was fluent in Latin, as the language hadn't presented itself in the fields of the rest of us.", "He noticed a fractions of Latin mixed in with with the gibberish.", etc. I would suggest reading sentences aloud to yourself to catch instances where your wording seems awkward or clunky. Punctuation: I know you state that they don't communicate with proper punctuation, but the responders don't seem too either and this is before that fact is discovered so it feels weird. "Us: Hello", "Us: Drs removed for privacy", etc. It really comes off as unnecessary that they'd talk without punctuation due to coding (except when they are represented with proper punctuation) during the story when it seems necessary. Story issues: "which operated under the name "Telescope." Don't look us up, you won't find us." There seem to be a lot of instances where the protagonist deflects information which comes off as odd. Given the fact that there're no clues to imply how contact was made, how the code was cracked, or how this information really impacts us (how their death influences us and vice versa), it feels unneeded and really fails to flesh out the story. It feels like a portion is missing from the story where information is given on the aliens and people receiving that info. Story issues cont.: "It took weeks to figure out and is much too complicated for me to post here, but we could finally attempt to communicate with whoever was sending these messages." This really seems to highlight the fact that a majority of the story is skipping over information that would make the story feel more realistic. Any attempt to explain how this information is being recorded/deciphered would build onto the story, but leaving it at the most basic levels feels awkward and unjustified. (Even Independence Day tried to explain their invasion method/plans even if it was just a basic chess match explanation). Story issues cont.: "Something that caused each one of my colleagues to drop off the map entirely. You see, we are alone in the universe. There is no life but humans, and I know this because we killed the last other intelligent life form." "Something killed him, I'm sure of it. Something reached whatever he was and for some reason it killed him." Here's the largest issue. The entity shows up and dies. There isn't much to really tie it into humanity or anything in general. The being just dies and the protagonist laments that fact without really trying to build on what humanity is losing or what its done that might make the story effective. It feels like a missed opportunity. Conclusion: With the punctuation, wording, and story issue, these build up to a story that has quite a lot of issues wrong with it from wording and punctuation that don't really tell an involving or original story. Please feel free to look into our writer's workshop (link included above) or to seek assistance for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:19, August 25, 2016 (UTC)